The Molting Alliance

Fire blender of hurt

Fire blender of hurt

If you just came out of coma as I did, it may seem that a new story dungeon has just appeared out of nowhere! But no! Apparently there’s this cool extended ad going on in Guild Wars 2 (they called it living story) that has been playing for a while to announce this new dungeon.

So I was willingly grabbed and coerced into this story dungeon thingy that has you fight some silly creatures with pointy hats and some cats on fire. Hey, it’s a fantasy game, whatever goes. And I like those flaming kittens. Here’s my review.

Note: The Molten Facility dungeon will be available until Sunday, May 12 at 12:00pm Pacific

I don’t know if they’ll add an explorable mode to that, but the story mode was fun, the difficulty was reasonable for a PUG, and the scenery was very pretty if you like mines, machines, and lava. Even if you don’t, the scenery was very pretty. And bring some good picks, this place has lots of minerals.

You get to accompany a norn and a charr (I forget their names, so I’ll call them… George and Snuffles). George and Snuffles are there to rescue some prisoners, and as it turns out, kill some bad guys. And this is where you come in, because as good as George and Snuffles are at one-liners, they are pretty incompetent at combat, preferring to take dirt naps.

That is ok by me, I got to use my new manga-sized sword plenty!

I wanted to drive that!

I wanted to drive that!

So it turns out that this place is a weapons facility that would make the NRA proud. They don’t have to abide by ethics or any other sort of sissy governmental overview. I bet they don’t even give their prisoners any healthcare…

In fact, the weapons-testing aspect of this facility is reinforced when you enter a big cage and some bad guys starts yammering about how this place is used to test weapons and he’ll test some on you and yadayada whatever. Times like this I wish I had a sniper rifle so I could use it to skip evil monologues. So anyway, the cage area turns into what I can best describe as a lava-filled blender of doom. At this point you can do one of two things: (1) dirt nap like George and Snuffles, or (2) fight the obvious thingy in the middle of the cage whenever you can. The series of traps that you’re stuck in is actually quite fun to try to survive.

Assuming you survive this (and if you don’t… lulz), you then go on a series of fights and at some point there’s a cage hanging by a chain and there’s a dead guy with papers on him that you should take to some other guy after the dungeon is finished so he can go all like: “Oh yeah, I knew him. He died? lulz”. No, really, that’s verbatim what he said, more or less. Maybe I should have read the papers. Lore… pfft.

And then eventually you get to this giant circle open room that screams: “boooossss battle” so like a bunch of idiots you just go there giggling to yourselves at the thought of fighting a big boss. But instead, you get two big bosses. Yeah, how awesome is that? It’s very awesome, that’s what it is.

One is blue, and one is red. I’ll let you guess which is the flaming cat and which is the silly pointy-hat dude. They each have cool abilities that will give you a tough time. Make sure you dodge red circles. Oh, and if you kill one, the other goes into hyperventilating mode. We killed blue first, next time I want to kill red first to see what’s different.

Bosses fight over, we get to blow up the place by putting some dynamite all over the place (or in three specific spots, actually). Then the place starts blowing up, with some fire and whatnot blasting in our path to exit. We’re told we have to exit before the place explodes. Well, we all make it to the elevator in time, except for one. We all laughed at him. Good times.

Cool scenery

Cool scenery

And then for all this work (and having done the rest of the story-ad arc) you get an exotic pair of gloves, one per account. It’s a type of mechanical-like fire-dripping … I don’t know how to describe it … oh, just google it. It’s pretty cool-looking.

Overall, I’d say this was a fun addition to the game, and I recommend everyone go and do it.