by, 28-07-2011 at 12:11 (17557 Views)
Well, since last Friday, I know officially that I've cancer on the side of my tongue. Next week, there will be some intense extra diagnosis fun in the hospital; and according to the results of these, then there will be therapy. This will inevitably involve a surgery at the tongue, which, according to my sources, can last 10-20 hours (it's not really something you'd want to do.)
There are several things that annoy me about all of this: from fear of loss of my ability to speak, over fear of loss of the teeth due to the x-ray therapy stuff, over to more simple things: like my cats not being allowed to visit me in the hospital (and me probably being in no shape to go and visit them too often).
And, ridiculous enough, another detail that annoys me is the fact that I'll miss out on the Zaishen quests. With the insanely long quest rotation time of the vanquishes, this means that I won't be able to take advantage of them and use them as my guide when I keep pushing Nefertari towards GWAMM... because, yeah, it's ridiculous, but I want to do that.
Yeah well, also it's scary what kind of emotions pop up at the moment. It goes from extreme, utter depression (I've had crying fits that I wouldn't have thought possible and my friends and family don't want to hear anymore about death now... how helpful); to some sort of hysteria that unleashes itself in form of some manic euphoria; over to massive anger and hate against everyone.
There are nightmares too, now. I haven't slept at all last night because one of these popped up when I was about to fall asleep.
So. I think that blogging about it might be somewhat therapeutic - and I even fit in a connection to GW! I really can't be arsed to set up a blog somewhere else right now just for this, so this here will have to do.