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  1. #3191
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    Quote Originally Posted by BassVII View Post
    Speaking of this, something odd happened to me yesterday.

    My hot school adviser found out I like her.

    Pic of her: http://fc04.deviantart.net/fs70/f/20...usanCoffey.jpg


    Now that I've got your attention, it's time to disappoint you: No, I do not sleep with her. No, I don't even make a sly attempt. If you're still interested, read on.

    Okay so at my school we have faculty advisers that are assigned to students according to their last names. The faculty advisers help students with scheduling conflicts, general questions, help with internships/employment, etc. My adviser is named Jess Depew and as you can see she's pretty hot. The picture doesn't really do her justice but they're all I've got at the moment. She's like 25 and she's only been at the school a few years. Anyway, I have been looking into getting an internship at a TV station or something over the summer, and the school helps coordinate these things with an internship database that's maintained by the advisers. You log on with your school ID and password and you can browse internships and stuff. I was having trouble logging on to mine so I went to go see Ms. Depew. That's where all the trouble started.

    Firstly, I walked into office like 15 minutes early like an idiot and she's in the middle of lunch. So I awkwardly make stupid small talk until she's finished.

    "Oh, hey, what are you eating?"

    "Salmon. I love it. I eat it practically every day."

    "Just salmon? That's pretty weird." Why the hell did I say this?

    "Oh, well, I don't know. I try to eat healthy, natural foods...you know, like wild berries and honey and stuff."

    "Yeah, I like food too." *facepalm*

    Man, I was so nervous. Anyway, we finally begin squaring my stuff away. She looks up what I registered with in the beginning of the year. This is when the crap really hit the fan. This is how the conversation went:

    "Okay, you're account name is Shahzaib and your password is ... 'depewissexy'...

    Oh damn. I completely forgot that I put that as my password in the beginning of the year. What the hell was I thinking? It was probably the longest 20 seconds of my life before I finally got my balls together to stand up and leave. Just as I began to walk out the door, I heard her say something.

    "In the future, you might want to bear in mind what kind of things you want to keep to yourself."

    I was so freaking embarrassed I wanted to kill myself right then and there. I wanted to run the hell out of there and never, ever see her again. But something about what she just said kept me standing in her doorway. I decided to man up and apologize. I turned to her, looked her straight in the eyes, and swallowed my pride. And then, it hit me like a train full of bricks.

    She was eating salmon.

    She tries to eat all healthy, natural foods, like wild berries and honey.

    She told me that I might want to bear in mind what kind of things I want to keep to myself.

    Ms. Depew was a bear disguised as a human.

    Immediately, the bear saw that I had seen through its charade. It roared loudly and took a menacing swipe at me. I deftly avoided its claw and sprinted out of the office. The bear was soon in chase, crashing through the walls of the office as if they were made of paper. I jumped over the receptionist desk and ran out the back entrance. The bear followed, tossing the secretary aside like a rag doll. The bear began to pursue me through the street traffic. While I fought my way through the maze of vehicles, the bear simply careened its massive force through anything standing in its way. Cars veered off the road to escape the onslaught of grizzly force that was barreling down the road. The bear was gaining fast. I had no other option but to make my way into the nearest building: a preschool.

    I burst through the door, startling the children from their naps. Immediately, the bear slammed through the wall, crushing a child beneath his massive paws and burying several other children in sheet rock and debris. I maneuvered my way through the chaos towards the back exit. The pre-schoolers were little more than a screaming annoyance for the bear. Its massive paws cut swaths through the sea of toddlers with each swipe. I used the precious time these children had afforded for me to make my escape into the playground. I scrambled up a ladder to a fort-like structure. My goal was to walk across the monkey bars then jump to a tree which I could climb to the roof of the preschool and perhaps flag down a passing helicopter.

    I began my trek across the monkey bars just as the bear charged outside, its teeth and claws still fresh with the blood of the innocent. It let out a monstrous roar and began its assault on the cheap, wooden play set. I let go of all caution and ran to end the end of the monkey bars. I leaped for the tree branch just as the bear's enormous girth came plowing through the entire structure. I grasped the branch tightly as the bear collided with the tree, sending it into a daze. I saw this as my one opportunity not for escape, but for victory. I leapt off the tree onto the ground and grabbed a stray bar that had been shorn from the play set. The bear was slowly coming to so I had to act fast. I ran to the beast and thrust the jagged end of the pole into its jaw and through its skull.
    Nice!

    Quote Originally Posted by BassVII View Post
    The bear had been defeated. I shambled home in pain, but victorious. There will be more fights and more bears in the months to come.

    But today, I returned home a champion.
    *ROOOOOOOOOOOOAR*
    *takes a swipe at BassVII's head*

  2. #3192
    Thou Shalt Not Attempt To Defeat Bears.

    (Also, from now on I will also stalk this thread as one of the wonderful spam threads in this part of the forum.)

  3. #3193
    Quote Originally Posted by Raiala View Post
    (Also, from now on I will also stalk this thread as one of the wonderful spam threads in this part of the forum.)
    Mind you, it's not actually a spam thread - it's an OT thread. And no, that is not the same thing.

    (The difference should become apparent if one were to venture back to, say, the first 10-20 (or even 50) pages of said thread.)

  4. #3194
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    Quote Originally Posted by Raiala View Post
    Thou Shalt Not Attempt To Defeat Bears.

    (Also, from now on I will also stalk this thread as one of the wonderful spam threads in this part of the forum.)
    They can try to defeat me, but they won't be able...for I am INVINCIBLE!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Minelle Tempest View Post
    (The difference should become apparent if one were to venture back to, say, the first 10-20 (or even 50) pages of said thread.)
    If only the thread that shall not be named *cough*postcountthread*cough* could learn a thing or two from this thread, haha

  5. #3195
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    Quote Originally Posted by BassVII View Post
    Speaking of this, something odd happened to me yesterday.

    My hot school adviser found out I like her.

    Pic of her: http://fc04.deviantart.net/fs70/f/20...usanCoffey.jpg


    Now that I've got your attention, it's time to disappoint you: No, I do not sleep with her. No, I don't even make a sly attempt. If you're still interested, read on.

    <snip>

    That was an awesome story! Really loved that twist (if you can even call it that...) Do you have more pieces like this?
    Lady Rhonwyn (sister of Danea, Katlinel, Gwendydd, and the rest)
    Guild leader of GWOnline [GWO]
    "Kind of a big mouth", "People Know Me, whether they like it or not", "I'm very vocal", "I wrote many leather bound books", "My Guild Hall is the forum", "Goddess posting amongst mere mortals" (courtesy of Cardinal Cyn)

  6. #3196
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady Rhonwyn View Post
    That was an awesome story! Really loved that twist (if you can even call it that...) Do you have more pieces like this?
    Yay, Lady came to join the party! Woooooooooo! MOSH PIT!!!!!


  7. #3197
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    Quote Originally Posted by bearsfwd View Post
    Yay, Lady came to join the party! Woooooooooo! MOSH PIT!!!!!

    For your information, this wasn't my first post here...
    Lady Rhonwyn (sister of Danea, Katlinel, Gwendydd, and the rest)
    Guild leader of GWOnline [GWO]
    "Kind of a big mouth", "People Know Me, whether they like it or not", "I'm very vocal", "I wrote many leather bound books", "My Guild Hall is the forum", "Goddess posting amongst mere mortals" (courtesy of Cardinal Cyn)

  8. #3198
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady Rhonwyn View Post
    For your information, this wasn't my first post here...
    Oh...

    well, in that case...

    Yay, Lady came BACK to join the party! Woooooooooo! MOSH PIT!!!!!

  9. #3199
    Quote Originally Posted by Minelle Tempest View Post
    Mind you, it's not actually a spam thread - it's an OT thread. And no, that is not the same thing.

    (The difference should become apparent if one were to venture back to, say, the first 10-20 (or even 50) pages of said thread.)
    I'm not going to post posts with just "+1" in HERE, don't worry.

  10. #3200
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    Quote Originally Posted by Raiala View Post
    I'm not going to post posts with just "+1" in HERE, don't worry.
    From this point forward, I'm going to post nothing but intellectual posts in the thread!

    *smacks forehead*

    doh! this wasn't a very intellectual post...

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