How to Get Over Her?

[Ryuujinx]

I look at myself, and wonder why I'm posting this on a gw forum.

Then I realize it's more then just gw, it;'s a community of people. They just happen to play gw. After all I met one of my best friends on gw.

So. For the sake of convenience I will introduce myself, and her.

my name is Dewey, she is Kasey. This makes talking much easier.

So. I play gunbound. Alot less now, but still on occasion. About a year and a half ago, my friends and I had a LAN party. The after party of myself and 3 others. (Afte meaning us sitting around watching anime.)

"Hey Dewey, let's fire up some gunbound"

So I agree. And as any of you who have played it know, it's a room based system. We join a room, 6 of us total.

Me
3 Friends
Kasey
The Host

The host was afk, and as such we couldn't start. But Kasey and I talked, and eventualy swapped MSNs. we talked. and talked. and talked.

Fo about 12 hours. For a few days. She ws having poblems with he BF, I supported her, they boke up, I comfoereted her, she asked me out, I accepted.

that was on 9/23/06

Well we never got to meet. I just couldn't afford it at the time. So, it was doomed to be an internet relationship until I could get out there.

Everything was fine, for the longest time. The occasional argument, but those are always there.

then. She cheated on me. but, I was nice. I loved her, and she had told me. The fact that she told me said she cared. So I forgave her.

It wen on for a while then alot of drama hit. I ended up breaking up with her and us getting back together. Then about 3 days ago, she broke up with me.

It kinda sucked. The first day I was too numb to notice, and I had friends over. I just took it and rolled with the day. went to wok the next day, answered people retarded questions about U-verse troubleshooting. (Zomg, my tv no work! :( 'Turn it on?')

Anyway. the next day. I was alone. All by myself in my apartment. I broke down, I cried. I read noted from a few friends. then I cried because I had been ignoring my friends so much and I have the most wonderful fiends imo. (Anyone who puts up with me is great :P)

So I normally don't take breaking up too hard. I just go with it. And things turn out allright. Hand out with fiends. play games, anything to keep busy.

I dunno what it was about Kasey though. Just thinking about her makes me have to calm myself and think about other things.

I drove with a few friends to san marcos today to hang out with a friend. She's always good at cheering me up. I was actually feeling petty good, nothing really going on with me.

Then she decides to drag her bf with her. I guess seeing these two being all lovey-dovey made me go over that edge again. I broke down in the middle of her parking lot as they went in. I stayed back by the car. She noticed eventually and came and comforted me.

But seriously, I can't go on like this, my job is to deal with humanity and solve they're stupid TV and Internet problems. Any advice at all would be appreciated.

[MoonUnit]

Just move on. That's pretty much all I can say about it. The whole "trust" thing is broken, now and you can't do anything about it. It hurts to break up, I've had a few that were like that, but I did get over them. It just takes time.

[Azrael STX]

The relationship wasn't doomed in any respect that didn't involve her not being worth the effort, I mean, she cheated on you. However, and I say this merely to make clear the possibility, you can be in a relationship with her still, and it seems like your feelings might be those of wanting just that.

You could very well go to where she lives, whether by bus, a friend helping you get there, etc, and just show up. Say you want to hang out with her. She'd probably forget all about whoever she's most likely already hooked up with and be with you. At least physically, for one day, unless you could figure out a way to move there or visit more frequently than once a year.

Still, it'd help you bring resolution to your feelings. Seeing her, even if just once, is your best course of action.

And by best, I mean that it's the best to supplement your current emotional state and future happiness. It's not logically the best course, which would be to get over her and try anew with someone else. Although, if this were based on logic, you wouldn't need advice in the first place.

By the way, I like your avatar.

[Gaendaal]

She ws having poblems with he BF, I supported her, they boke up, I comfoereted her, she asked me out, I accepted.

I think this is the key. She was unhappy, you were there. I just think that she's realised you weren't for her, harsh as that sounds, and has moved on. It's strange that men seem to have to make the first move but, hoo boy, women are adept at making the last one.

How long was it between you meeting and going out to actually meeting? *Did* you ever meet? I can't work it out for your story.

Anyway, it's hard and I sympathise with you. It will probably happen again, I'm afraid, but that's what living is all about.

[Ryuujinx]

Just move on. That's pretty much all I can say about it. The whole "trust" thing is broken, now and you can't do anything about it. It hurts to break up, I've had a few that were like that, but I did get over them. It just takes time.

Yeah the moving on thing is the pat that's hard :/

The relationship wasn't doomed in any respect that didn't involve her not being worth the effort, I mean, she cheated on you. However, and I say this merely to make clear the possibility, you can be in a relationship with her still, and it seems like your feelings might be those of wanting just that.

I do, but it can't happen. Towards the last month we just drifted apart, I still care about he and always will. But I can't see her really and that puts a very large strain on any relationship. If I lived closer, it might work but that's simply not an option right now. (Unless of course I screw my credit and break my lease)

You could very well go to where she lives, whether by bus, a friend helping you get there, etc, and just show up. Say you want to hang out with her. She'd probably forget all about whoever she's most likely already hooked up with and be with you. At least physically, for one day, unless you could figure out a way to move there or visit more frequently than once a year.

I do plan on it, but the thing is I'm looking at taking off working and flying across the country. It's not just a couple hour dive, it's a different state. ;/

Amusingly I said I would never try another internet relationship before I met her. Then I did. Blah.

Still, it'd help you bring resolution to your feelings. Seeing her, even if just once, is your best course of action.

And by best, I mean that it's the best to supplement your current emotional state and future happiness. It's not logically the best course, which would be to get over her and try anew with someone else. Although, if this were based on logic, you wouldn't need advice in the first place.

I has logix :P

But I do want to go see her, I have a friend who lives in the same state, but it's still a 9 hour drive to he house from his. So I may just crash at his place, drive out early one day get a hotel and drive back to his place the next day.

By the way, I like your avatar.

Thanks, it's Arche from Tales of Phantasia :P

I think this is the key. She was unhappy, you were there. I just think that she's realised you weren't for her, harsh as that sounds, and has moved on. It's strange that men seem to have to make the first move but, hoo boy, women are adept at making the last one.

Realized after a year and 5 months? I could see that excuse if it only lasted a few months, but I'd think around that same point would be if she would be thinking if she wanted to stay or not.

How long was it between you meeting and going out to actually meeting? *Did* you ever meet? I can't work it out for your story.

About 2 months. She broke up with her bf around the 2 week mark. We never got to meet face to face due to my travel issues and money problems. And the different state thing.

Anyway, it's hard and I sympathise with you. It will probably happen again, I'm afraid, but that's what living is all about.

Eah, It'll happen. I'm sure. But at least I'll have met the person face to face ._.

[MoonUnit]

Ryuujinx, I can really sympathize with you, long-distance relationships are hard.

I've been in one for a while and while it's not exactly "serious," I know the two of us have been drifting apart since we are both busy with our own things. It really sucks, but we do talk to each other fairly often and I know I've known her for almost 4 yrs now, so we'll work thru it.

[Gaendaal]

Realized after a year and 5 months?

If you never actually met physically then, yeah, I can see that.

I'm trying not to be old-fashioned but what you're describing to me is not a serious relationship. It's friends (close friends, possibly) hanging out on chat. Not to belittle your hurt, obviously, but I think you've moved this into something that it isn't.

Jeez, I sound like my Dad. Still, I had a long-distance relationship (back, back in the mists of time) and, guess what? Same thing happened to me. Not to say that long-distance relationships can't work but if you've never actually met and then one person waivers...

[Ryuujinx]

*A Relationship is a bond at a physical o emotional level between one o more people.
*Love is a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection.

Now, tell me; how exactly does meeting or not meeting a person face to face, make these any less real?

Is it the lack of physical Contact?
The lack of seeing each other in person?

I'm honestly wondering, simply because people have told me many times "You don't really care about her, you've never met her"

yes, I realize people can act different online. But at the same time, people can act different in person and on the phone. People can act how they want wherever.

A relationship is formed on an emotional level, emotional levels have nothing to do whatsoever with the physical level. yes, I will give you that with a physical level present is is *much* easier to maintain an emotional level. But the fact of the matter is, the hundreds of calls, IMs, messages, emails and etc we have left each other are synonymous to the sweet letter you leave for your other as you head to work.

Yes, I do freely admit that I did not meet her in person, and that there were only plans for when my finances weren't so screwed, but long-distance or not, a relationship is still a relationship.

Now, as to the seriousness of it, that depends on your definition.

I mean we obviously weren't going to have sex living across the country from each other. But as for caring, for actually loving, that knows no such distance requirements,

Now, that being said - Almost a year and a half is a long time for indecision. regardless if we never met in person. Furthermore, she didn't have to tell me she had cheated. Her friends would have probably kept quiet. And I would be here, unknowing. But the simple fact that she a) didn't just break up with me then for this guy, and b) actually told me, showed that she, at least to some extent, wanted to be with me.



One little edit: i've had a few friends that stated as online relationships.

For instance, Jane and Vinz(Eddy). they both played FFXI, met on said game. They didn't meat for 2 and a half years, they're getting married in about 2 months, they've of course seen each other alot after that 2 and a half years, but the point stands. So while rare, it is possible to have a serious relationship without meeting. Not from theorycraft, but from witnessing Jane and Vinz, Kee and Julio, and a few others among my friends.

Another Edit: I just looked at my system tray and noticed I have to be waking up in about 6 hours. I'll read these things in the morning. Night.

[Gaendaal]

I'm honestly wondering, simply because people have told me many times "You don't really care about her, you've never met her"

Which is certainly *not* what I'm saying. You obviously care for her or you wouldn't be upset.

My girlfriend and I, and we've been together for almost a decade now, first met by being penpals so I know that "virtual relationships" can become something more but I'm sure that the ones that last will involve the parties eventually meeting.

To put a harsh spin on it, and I'm not saying this is what happened but it's a possibility, she admitted that she cheated on you once. Does this mean that she only cheated on you once? People often have lots of confusing reasons for doing the things that they do...

Still, pondering the reasons for why things fell apart doesn't really get us anywhere. The simple fact of the matter is that if you want to get over her then you'll just have to wait. There's no simple remedy for this kind of situation but, cliches aside, it will get better, eventually.

[Ju Smurph]

It's strange that men seem to have to make the first move but, hoo boy, women are adept at making the last one.

Not a truer word spoken except maybe this:

There's no simple remedy for this kind of situation but, cliches aside, it will get better, eventually.