Belgian newspaper fears Zombie Apocalypse

[Domitilde]

There are many European myths regarding vampires which you'll never see in any Hollywood movie, such as their addiction to counting. Apparently dropping a bag of marbles would be an effective way to keep a vampire busy, since it would be forced to count them all. Other examples include stealing a vampire's sock! I kid you not.

[RD]

Bram Stoker's Dracula was also pretty ugly (if memory serves, he had a lot of hair on his knuckles or something weird), but highly sexualized (sex was kind of bad at the time - the "slutty girl" in the book is the one who is ultimately turned into a vampire). Plus he had powers that have just disappeared like turning into a wolf, and I think he had to carry his grave dirt around with him.

[Alaris]

Yeah, I don't really care for a lot of the clearly nonsensical stuff. I mean, perhaps the counting would make more sense if their mind was autistic? But I see it more as superstition... like when I hear that "we never killed one, but his weaknesses are XYZ". If you never killed one, perhaps those weaknesses are not working. Maybe he was just confused why you'd go for his sock.

Apparently dropping a bag of marbles would be an effective way to keep a vampire busy, since it would be forced to count them all. Other examples include stealing a vampire's sock! I kid you not.

Sesame Street is even more lolworthy now. I don't see myself going for the sock if I get attacked by a vampire.

So I take it the Apocalypse of Belgium has been deemed unimportant?

Whuh?

Oh right. I guess we figured if they get zombies, then they might also get other monsters. So we are now discussing the weaknesses of all of those. The more you know.

[Feannag]

Bram Stoker's Dracula was also pretty ugly (if memory serves, he had a lot of hair on his knuckles or something weird), but highly sexualized (sex was kind of bad at the time - the "slutty girl" in the book is the one who is ultimately turned into a vampire). Plus he had powers that have just disappeared like turning into a wolf, and I think he had to carry his grave dirt around with him.

Palms, not knuckles. I suppose he had to keep himself busy somehow for all those centuries. Ahem.

Another power that never gets mentioned is climbing walls like a big lizard. It was kind of pointless, though, since he could turn into a bat or mist and fly up. Yet another is the ability to pass through cracks or crevices while in human form, by becoming really tiny. I'm sure there's more, too; Stoker gave his villain a list of powers a mile long, some of them downright absurd.

Whuh?

Oh right. I guess we figured if they get zombies, then they might also get other monsters. So we are now discussing the weaknesses of all of those. The more you know.

Okay. Lemme start a list.
Zombies: Destroy the brain (unless it's a Voodoo zombie, in which case you throw salt at it(don't ask me why)).
Vampires: Stake through the heart, decapitate, burn, bury the ashes at a crossroad (talk about thorough... yeesh.)
Werewolf: Silver, for scientific and/or mythical reasons.

What else we got? It's a full scale invasion!

[shawn]

Ok so

I'm so pissed, guys.

See, earlier this week I put the bath salts to me, and I had a powerful hunger for some flesh, so I hopped in the car and hit the streets to track down an appropriate specimen. Finally I find one, fairly old and looked defenseless, had a large head in which I was sure contained some delicious brain morsels.

I pull over nearby, pop the trunk, and get out an aluminum bat, then come up behind him and really let him have it, being careful not to hit him in the head for fear of damaging my meal. I'm so damn excited at this point, I drag him back and toss him on the car while I toss the bat in the trunk and close it, ready to boot it home and enjoy my meal in the privacy of my living room.

As I pull in the driveway the bath salts start to wear off a little, and it hits me.


I ****ing forgot the corpse on the roof of my car.

[Feannag]

Did you at least remember to put it in the car seat?

[Alaris]

Ok so

That was you?

/still recovering from all the bruising

[RD]

Well done. You really tied the recurring themes together. Would read & lol again.

[Alaris]

I'd say Shawn's storytelling is great, but I'm afraid that would break RDarken's restraining order on me.

Oooops too late.

Maybe I can take some bath salts, and eat this post. Or leave it on top of my car.

[Domitilde]

A good zombie is not always a dead zombie.

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